Awkward insta stalking

Okay so I’m embarrassed till this day anyways I’m 13 me and my ex boyfriend of 4 years broke up a year ago we still talked and we were friends and I always tell my self I still like him but I don’t let myself date him I really do still like him a lot and he asked me out a couple months ago it killed me to say no but it made me like him more he’s so sweet and then a month later I texted him on insta tryna have small talk but he didn’t know it was me and then he found out and asked me why I was on him instagram and how I found it and now I’m really embarrassed because I was stalking his insta then texted him and now he knows I was stalking his insta 😂😂😭😭💔💔I just miss him so badly but I can’t date him