Alex or Fred ???

okay so alex was my boy bsf and fred is currently my bf. I have been friends with alex since seventh grade and i am currently a freshman, I have had a secret crush on fred since seventh grade and now he liked me back in freshman year and we are now dating lol. Alex bullied me for my middle school experience but i was so desperate to be his friend that i didnt care what he said to me i would still want to be his friend. he started being nice to me in freshman year he is still rude to me but now as rude as he is to everyone else he talks to. Fred has always been nice to me since seventh grade he has always stook up for me and he never discluded me from anything. I left fred 3 times to make Alex happy and when i left fred i hurt myself bc fred was my happiness, i got tired of what i was doing and i dropped alex as a friend and we were strangers for a month or two and me n fred worked out perfectly fine. Now alex has been trying to get in contact with me and trying to become friends again and i do miss him but i reallylllyllyyllylyyyy like fred and fred n alex hate each other completely so i cant pick both of them i have to choose either to be friends with alex or stay with fred...

(that was me crying because i left fred)