Still dealing with a loss

We miscarried in November it’s been eating me up alive he doesn’t understand he just wants to move on a try again.

Anyhoo a best friend of ours had a baby this week and we went to visit I THOUGHT I was ok but the moment I stepped onto the unit I started freaking out and had a full blown panic/anxiety attack I even managed to go into the rooms with the babies I really lost it. Found myself in the ER. Anyone else go through this? I’m trying not to let this consume my thoughts but it’s hard something always reminds me.

I been secretly talking birth control I’m a complete mess HELP PLEASE