Utterly heartbroken...😭😭😭

I don’t need anyone to feel pity for me. I just have to speak about it or I’ll lose my mind. Infertility freakin sucks. I’m trying my hardest to be positive even though I get hit with constant negatives and I hope for the best but damn every time I turn around I’m getting my monthly visit, when AF doesn’t show up all I get are BFN’s. Yet others are on their second and third pregnancy since we started TTC and I can hardly get a first. I’m happy for them I really am, but can’t help but think I did something to deserve this. I haven’t always been the best version of myself but I try being better everyday. The ache my heart feels sucks. I feel sad and guilty and mad... this list goes on. Just please let me get pregnant this year. I can’t keep feeling this way. Some days giving up on ttc just feels like the best route.