Sad thoughts

I’m having a really bad night, and I’m remembering moments from my childhood.

One specific moment was when I was 10 or 11, and I was swimming in my parents friends pool by myself. He was my dad’s friends, and I didn’t like him very much because he talked loud, and intimidated me. I was jus casually swimming, and jumping off the ladder into the pool. I wasnt stepping up all the way, I stepped on the first step and jumped, completely harmless. He saw me, ran out, and full blown yelled at me to stop jumping off the ladder, or I’d be kicked out. Few moments later, I do it again (great job me), and he comes out screaming “get the fuck out of my pool. What the fuck did I just tell you? You wanna disrespect me and my rules? Get the fuck out and go!” I ran out crying and beyond scared. Went back inside the house, and he starts going off to my parents, and they don’t say a thing, they just laugh. I’m sitting there crying and shaking, and they’re just shrugging it off like nothing.

I get it, I broke the rules, but he had no right to scream at me like he did. It’s because of him, I start crying and shaking whenever someone raises their voice around me. I’ve developed bad anxiety because I was around him so much as a little girl.