Gotta vent somewhere.

So, I just have to vent for a minute because I am PISSED. My SO tells me all of the time that I need to be more open with my feelings because I am not good at it. I come from a family of six kids and I'm the oldest, so I'm kind of just used to being pushed aside and being ignored. I never feel like my feelings and opinions matter, so I don't voice them often.

I was talking to my SO tonight and I was telling him about something that my mom did that really frustrated me (I still live at home until my SO and I get married) and he cut me off and launched into, what felt like a lecture, about me not communicating with my mom about X, Y, and Z.

After a few minutes I told him I felt like he was lecturing me and that I was done with the conversation right now because I was just venting and didn't need a lecture. He proceeded to tell me that it wasn't a lecture.

I tried to tell him that he always tells me to express how I feel and that was all I was trying to do and he told me, "well, it wasn't a lecture, so that's your problem not mine" and tried to quickly end of the conversation and go to bed.

As I was trying to express that that kind of reaction was exactly why I don't express the things that I feel, he got upset and said, "I was just trying to walk away so I didn't get upset and you're not letting me go and now I'm stuck trying to console you and convince you I'm not mad at you and that everything is okay with us" and I'm on the other end of the phone like 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 I have no idea why you're acting like this. I'm just trying to explain how I feel. And now I'm frustrated and crying because why do I even bother?? and he's probably asleep.