Self rehabilitation

I've finally admitted to myself that I've become dependent on cocaine and that things need to change. Tomorrow will be the first day in my journey of giving it up, and I'm feeling really good about it.

I don't regret anything, but I am ready to move on. I have bad anxiety and depression and I started using casually and occasionally to get a small percentage of my social life back, and seeing that it actually worked and feeling more confident and comfortable made me feel more like myself again. I started using more and more and now I'm here, a while later, using daily, using cocaine as a tool to make my days longer and enabling me to get done everything I need to do whilst also having some time to relax afterwards; for that, I am actually grateful. I've had patches where I've gone without for months and I know I can do it, I've just been less stressed now with more hours in my day and honestly I cant really see that in a negative way. But what I can see negatively and what does need to change is that I know I'm always chasing. It's a viscous cycle. I enjoy it, but I'm ready to face my issues now instead of masking them.

I know it might not be easy and I know I might want to rely on my crutch again when things get difficult, but I'm putting this here as a promise to the world and to myself that I'm going to do this.

I got this.