Grieving and I Need Help: How Do You Heal From Losing Someone You Love?
Not sure where to post this, so I’m sorry if I screwed up the rules and posted this somewhere totally inappropriate.
This post is sad and morbid and depressing so I’m sorry.
Anyways, my best friend from childhood is either dying or dead. Her and I were not even best friends.. we were sisters. We made countless memories that were so much fun. I love her dearly. Just yesterday, I heard the bad news that her heart stopped and her breathing stopped too. She was rushed to the hospital and now i don’t know what condition she is in. All I can say is that, first off my family is Christian and hers is too. And her dad said he felt like she was gonna stay in Heaven. I cried a lot yesterday but today I’ve barely cried and today was the worst of the news yet. I wanna cry but I hate crying. I’ve been hoping she comes back but I also understand if she wants to stay... it’s just hard. Because I don’t want her to be unhappy if she comes back. I don’t want to be selfish and wish she was here. I also feel selfish for not wanting to grieve. It’s a horrible feeling but I want her to be okay and happy. We just talked about doing so many things together and to think none of it is ever gonna happen sucks. She was so talented and beautiful. A total dreamer and she was gonna be a famous author and we were gonna help each other plan our weddings when the time came. And we were gonna help our future boyfriends plan how to propose. And she was gonna get to listen to my first single I’ll release. And she was gonna marry someone amazing and I was gonna tell her about all of my firsts. She was gonna be the one to hear me scream into the phone when I got asked out or had my first kiss. She was gonna be the one to listen to me talk about my life and I was gonna listen to her and listen to her talk about her writing and career.
Guys she’s only 19. Just a couple weeks ago she said “wow! Imma be 20 this year! And you’re gonna be an adult! You’ll always be a munchkin to me.” And now I don’t know if she’ll be 20... and being 18 won’t be the same without her.
What am I supposed to do? I’m losing my best friend. She’s one of two of my closest friends. Why did she have to move 1800 miles away where I can’t even see her? Why did she have to have a punctured lung and weak heart? Why isn’t she choosing to come back? She has so much to offer the world..I wish she’d stay. But I also want her to be happy.
I just need to know how to cope if the official update on her says she’s really gone. I’m not trying to be pessimistic, the last I heard her heart stopped, she was revived, and then she was gone again..
I can’t even believe this is happening.. I seriously can’t.
I’m supposed to be making music and competing in this huge climbing competition on Saturday... where do I find motivation? I know she’s watching over me.. but it isn’t the same. I can’t call her up and hear her voice.
Ugh I just hurt a lot.
She’s officially gone and her family is working on bringing her body back to Colorado for the funeral.. 💔 I’m doing better than I thought but it’s probably because I cried a ton for 2 days and I just kinda knew it was coming. She’s not suffering anymore though and I’m glad she’s healthy now. 💕💐