I’ve finally faced it that I need to get help. I’ve had postpartum since about 2 months after my baby was born. She’s now 8 months. I’ve tried to hide it and fake being happy as much as I could. But with my husband being shady (not going into details) and us constantly fighting, I just can’t hide it anymore. I drink. A lot. Not around my daughter, but my mom has her a lot. It’s to the point my daughter would rather have anyone else but me. And it breaks my heart. She’s my everything. She’s the only reason I’m alive right now, because I’ve been pushed to the point where I think dying would be a lot easier than living this unhappy life. I have no friends, no job, no car and no money. The only people I get to talk to in person is my mom and my husbands friends. I have to stay in the house 24/7 by myself.

It’s to the point where I know I shouldn’t be around my daughter, and where I resent her, because I’m scared she’s going to get attached to me and my husband take her, if we get divorced. I’m scared of her remembering me, if I’m not strong enough to keep going, and I just end it. But damn I love that beautiful little girl so fucking much. It hurts so fucking bad to wake up, because I know she doesn’t deserve to be around this. To live this life. I feel like I never see her enough, because my mom doesn’t think I’m mentally or emotionally stable enough to take care of her right now.

So today while crying for hours by myself, I finally got the guts to call my doctor and get the much needed help. I’m scared to go, because I’m embarrassed, but I need to do it for my daughter. It’s all about her. I need to give her a good life, like she deserves, so from now on, that’s my goal. I’m going to get my license, find a job and save up for anything she’ll need in life. And possibly even leave the unhappy and horrible relationship I’m in. But first, I need to get better and try to be a better mom to such a sweet and innocent little girl❤️

Yes, she’s chewing on a remote and yes I took it from her. She’s teething real bad and all she wants to go for is the remote😂 no matter how many teethers I give that girl, she’ll still manage to get it lol.

****Update****

So I went to the doctors and they put me on medication.

I went to get the script, and they gave me the wrong prescription and said that was the only thing called in for me. I waited a week to go to the pharmacy lol