Never had much love in my "love life"

Battling with myself internally for years had put a strain on my and my peers. Everyone around me wished to unaccociate with me because I was becoming a different person. I was growing up and finding out who I was. And who I was wasn't who they wanted. But I went on and embraced me anyway. Mind you this is few years back. I didnt have barely any friends in the first place. I was basically digging my love life a trench, although I had no need for love at that point. But I confused my need for friends for a need of love. I craved love. And it had put a strain on my mental wellbeing aswell.

Maybe two years go by and I start becoming more social. My peers were finally starting to accept me, little by little. Baby steps. But even with the slight advances I became a bit more confident in my social skills. I made a lot of online friends and I thought my only chance was with people online because of how my peers acted tword me.

Online dating is NOT my cup of tea. I went through some mentally challenging things and I'm glad I can move on and learn from them.

Since then it's been about a year. And since that year I have met one very special guy.

He is my supposed perfect fit. We have common intrests, common morals, viewpoints on life, humor, and our plans for the future are able to align. What are the odds. I would find someone so perfect for me. In so little time. So little effort. I feel... very unworthy but I appreciate him being there eveyday.

We've been friends for almost two years, and we've been "official" for about 4 months. Even so we've really bonded. We started off with very good physical chemistry because we has spent a year and a half getting to know each other. Since then I've experienced some of the happiest, most romantic moments in my life. I never thought I would experience anything like this. I never believed anyone would want me life this. I had always trained my brain to believe no one would love me.

He proves me wrong, every day.

Recently I've felt like I had to bottle up all our romantic moments; in fear of losing him. I didn't know where else I could go with this. I never really post here. But I felt motivated to share my romantic life. I dont really talk about this much in depth. Its hard for me to Express my feelings most times. But I need to get all these feelings of "I didnt deserve these amazing moments" off my chest.

Thank you for your time in reading this far. It means a lot to me.

You can skip the next bit if you dont really care, but I will be sharing some examples of the happy romance moments.

I remember the first time he said it.

It was during some rehearsal we were at. We went outside for some fresh air and despite the cold season and breezy approaching; I stood with no coat, warm by his side. It was already dark and stars were visible.

He took me to the electric box by some stairs, as to hide from public eye and we proceeded to kiss. But full on passion and electric feeling between us. He pulled back but held me by my shoulders as I held his. Our foreheads touched and he looked at the ground breifly before looking me in the eyes and he spoke very softly "I love you" and I knew then, even before my heart beat fast, bringing blush and bloodflow to my face. I was in love.. this was only weeks after we got "official"

My favorite:

(Very recent. Few days ago) a bit of TMI. SEXUAL. Skip if you wish.

He was at my house almost all day. I had invited friends over prior and minutes after they all left, we went in the basement to my room. We had been waiting while to have the house to ourselves and have some more fun. Before we start he suggested we got completely naked(we've never done before. Usually we dont have much time so we keep most of out clothes on) I have always been extremely self conscious as I feel a bit overweight and overall unattractive. Though everytime he reassures me.

We undressed and for once; I felt comfortable. I dont like being naked, even by myself. But him being there made me comfortable in my skin. A completely new feeling.

He ended up doing me first. This was the very first time he did all my favorite things and made me orgasm. He made me feel so good physically.

Usually after orgasms I get very emotional(probably due to my hormones going everywhere) and I started crying. Usually I cry from very upsetting, sad things. That time... they were happy. I felt so loved and special in that moment. And tears ran down my face while I had a smile on. He smiled and me and whiped my tears away. I was crying because he Is such an amazing person and I cannot believe he is in my life. I cant believe he is mine.

After he finished me, I finished him. Which resulted in a sticky arm. He suggested a shower

Here comes the Romantic part.

It's a hot steamy(small) shower. We barely fit in together. We're close but the air isn't raw animal sexuality. It's compassion and love. Like I cannot Express it properly. We were both naked. Exposed to everything. Every crevice and surface. And it was comfortable, relaxed. We made jokes and talked about normal stuff. His hair was all wet and pulled back from his face(where all his hair is usually) his glasses were disregarded. I saw all of him.

He started to sing the one song that we originally bonded over. The song he showed me just before we got together. Basically the song has history with us.

He started singing the song. I start singing along. We bother smile at each other as we sing and he pulls me close. We sing with each other, in each others arms. Completely bare and raw.

That was real love.

Even If we don't end up together forever, I'll always remember or look back on this; and be filled with love.

He'll have a place in my heart, no matter if we make it or not.

I love him. I dont think much will change that