(Excuse me if there’s any typos, I didn’t proof read)

Ok... This post may be all over the place because I’m feeling so many different emotions right now.

So, I’ve been dating this girl that I met online. We met on this game we both play called Secondlife. At first we were only dating on Secondlife, as role play but we started feeling for each other more & decided to date outside of it too. We plan on meeting each other in March. We have FaceTimed & stuff before, actually a lot now. We talk on the phone every day, etc. We’ve only been officially dating for 4 months (but it feels like sooo much longer). We’re both the same sign (Gemini), and the same age (mid-twenties). We are literally like yin & yang. We’re so much alike, yet we’re so different in various ways. I think that’s what really brought us together, that chemistry.

Anyways, that’s the back story of it all. So, we’ve been having little set backs these past few months. It seems like every disagreement we have it’s about me. Something that I did. Whether it’s I’m on social media too much, I seem like I’m not interested enough, etc. A lot of things & it makes me feel guilty, thinking that maybe it’s true. Maybe it is me. This girl, she’s a very sexual individual, which there’s nothing wrong with because I am as well, however I’m not on her level. She’s into BDSM & things of that nature. I’ve never actually experienced any of the things she have, but I’ve always told her that I’m open to it. And it’s true, I am. I told her that I’m willing to try anything, and if I don’t like it then I just don’t. She accepted it.

Recently I’ve been struggling with some health issues (prolactinoma), & it’s not putting me in such a happy place. It’s making me feel a bit insecure about myself, as I’m trying to heal from it. My body has changed, my mental state has changed, & I’ve been trying to deal with it on my own. At times I would try to vent to her about what’s going on with me, but I feel as though she doesn’t really care to listen. She gives me that vibe because she’s quick to change the topic to something about her, or she gives me little to no response. But when it comes to her venting, I’m all ears...

Moving forward, I say all this to say that I’m starting to feel like this relationship has been built on lust. Like that’s all she cares about. I feel like she does care about me in some ways, at least she says she does but I’m not understanding why she makes me feel like shit because I’m not being sexual enough. She brought it to my attention today that she’s in some long distance relationship support group on some other app & they brought up the topic about phone sex & things, and when they asked her about it, she was like “my girlfriend isn’t into it” & made it seem like a horrible thing by the way she said it and continued to go about the topic... Its not that I’m not into it, I’ve just NEVER done it. So I’m like a virgin to all this stuff she presents me with. Not to mention, I’m a socially awkward individual. So I respond to things in awkward ways, and she takes it as I’m not interested.

It’s very stressful to say the least. And I’m not even sure what to do. It’s really putting a damper on me wanting to meet her in March. I’ve already got my plane ticket, we already booked our Airbnb.. but at this point, I’m not sure what to expect. I really love and care for her, I hope it our LDR works, but sometimes I lose hope.