I need to vent.

My boyfriend of 1 year and 8 months used to hit me. I still have scars on my face. Permanent scars. He doesn’t hit me any more, in fact he hasn’t hit me in months. He’s doing much better. But i do not love him any more. He doesn’t hit me anymore but i still lie awake at night asking myself why he ever did. How he used to choke me or punch me. Sometimes i still cry silently in the bathroom. I still hold my breath when he gets mad. My heart does not love him anymore. I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore. i need the strength to walk away. I want to so bad. So so bad but I’m scared.

*Please don’t judge me as i used to judge others for not leaving immediately also. You never know until you are in the position yourself.