So I’m posting this because I need someone who doesn’t know me or my son’s father to weigh in on our situation. I was with my son’s father for 2 years. We just welcomed our beautiful baby boy into the world 6 weeks ago. I left my son’s father 2 weeks after having my son for a few reasons.

The first and most important reason is that while our son was in the NICU, we got into an argument and he said, “I now understand why domestic violence is a thing because I really want to fucking hit you right now.” And I knew I couldn’t bring my son home to that. I couldn’t let my son watch his father treat me like that. Do I think he was really going to hit me? No. We were both very sleep deprived, stressed, and emotions were high; but that’s not an excuse to threaten me and genuinely scare me. I don’t deserve that.

Another reason was that throughout the pregnancy, he just kind of checked out. He made his job and video games a higher priority than me. He always argued with me when I had to go to the hospital for testing (I was a high risk pregnancy) and never showed up to my baby shower to even help pack everything in the car. He never wanted to go baby shopping or talk about the baby. When our son went to the NICU for a week, he only showed up a few times and it was always only for an hour or two. Meanwhile, I was there all day and the majority of the night, getting all the good and bad news by myself and learning how to take care of our son by myself. I had no support from him and that really sucked.

And the last biggest reason was that he was always arguing with my family. He talked so much crap on them and eventually made me believe that they were bad influences and had people. I grew very distant from family and friends and it ended up hurting my mental health because I was so lonely.

So I realized that he wasn’t being a good partner and wasn’t being a good dad and I left. I didn’t want to; but I knew it was the right thing to do. I don’t deserve to be treated the way I was and taken for granted. I don’t want my son to grow up thinking it’s okay to treat anyone the way I was treated. So I know what I did was right, despite not wanting to do it. I loved and still love that guy. He was my best friend and it wasn’t always bad. We still had tons of good times throughout the 2 years... but when we would hit a rough patch, it would get BAD.

I think from the moment I left, he realized that he messed up. He tells me he wants a family with me and he’s going to step up and be the man he should be for our son and for me. I told him to worry about being a good man for our son right now and not to be so focused on me. I told him that I’m not coming back right now and it’s going to take a lot of time and effort to prove to me that he wants this. Right now we’ve just be co-parenting and it’s been going really well.

As of right now, I know he’s taking the right steps to be a better person. He’s taking an anger management class. He’s talking to a therapist. He also is going to church and seeking help through that source as well. I can tell he’s changing when I see him to pick up/drop off our son. He always checks in on him and had been there for every doctor appointment. I am in no way ready to get back together with him right now. He needs to work on himself more; and I need to find and work on myself more as well. I need to be the best version of myself for my son and I before I ever worry about dating or getting back together with my ex again. But, I do still love my ex and really miss him; and I’m glad he’s taking the right steps and showing initiative that he really wants this.

I guess my question is, am I stupid for holding on? Am I stupid for having hope that he’ll change and we can be a family again someday in the future?