I don’t know if anyone deals with this exact thing or not. I know many have anxiety, social, etc. but I have something against like.. people at desks. I can go to malls packed with people, concerts, I can go out to eat and talk just fine with the server. I enjoy going out and doing things. I can talk to strangers just fine.

But it’s hard for me to go inside and walk up to the people and order. Like inside McDonald’s for example. I wanted a piercing for so long, I finally did it. I wasn’t afraid of the pain. I was afraid of having to go up to the desk and sign papers and overthought what I was gonna say. I don’t have my license or anything because I’m dreading just going into a place and walking up to the person saying I need to take my permit test. I overthink what I’m going to say or what to say. When I’m in a lot of pain I won’t go to a doctor because I don’t want to walk up to the desk and talk with anyone. I would purposely take shit grades in school because I wouldn’t go up to the teachers desk and give her my paper. I don’t want a car because I’m afraid of going to a place and talking with people about it.

I finally got my first job a few months ago. It lasted 2 days. Both days were spent having mental breakdowns in front of the lady training me. I ended up quitting for different reasons but that didn’t help. When I took my drug test (never done drugs, so I wasn’t nervous about that.) I was shaking uncontrollably thinking I was saying I was there for my drug test and sounding stupid. I won’t go to a counselor or anything because I don’t want to call or go into a building and go up and talk to someone. I don’t understand what it is about going into a setting where someone’s usually behind a desk or something and I have to go talk to them. Anyone else deal with this? What do you say? I really want to go get my permit but don’t know what to say even though I know wat to say if that makes sense. 🤦🏻‍♀️ This sounds so ridiculous and silly, I know. I just can’t help it. My heart pounds and I get so nervous I feel sick.