I was with him for almost 4 years. We almost had a baby. We got married on our 3 year anniversary. But I left my husband 4 1/2 months ago.

I am happy now...... sometimes.

I miss the good times I had with him, I miss laying with him and seeing him, and I still cry because I miss him.

But ik that if I had stayed, I wouldnt be happy.

I'm really confused about how to express how I feel to anyone about this cuz ik no one feels how I feel. And I don't want to talk about it with ppl I hang out with because it will make me feel pathetic because I don't like talking about myself or my problems, but sometimes I just need to cry and talk it out. And I don't have anyone I can do that with anymore because what used to be my world is gone. And I can't use Facebook or Instagram or whatever because ppl ik will see it, so that's why I'm posting it on here

I've told him how I felt. How I still cared for him, still love him, but I couldn't take how he used to be, his habits....

And he reminded me that we agreed to not be one of those couples who break up and get back together, and that I ruined it when I left.

And ik I did. We both messed up.

I just needed to get this off my chest. I don't even expect anyone to read this.