i am currently 20 years old. i’ve been married for 5 months. my husband & i have been together since i was 16 & we’ve been living together since i was 18. he got me out of an emotionally & mentally abusive home. i love my mom but she hurt me mentally my whole childhood. my husband has left me twice in the last 4 years, once when he was in boot camp when i was 17, & again when i was in boot camp, when i was 19. i begged for him back both times. things were pretty good for a while but immediately changed when we got married. he controls me, he calls me bad names for no reason & he puts me down & makes me feel bad about myself. he plays constant mind games with me because some days he’s so mean & other days he’s so sweet to me. he was so crazy controlling when i was in the military that i literally got discharged because my anxiety & depression got so bad. but at the time i just thought i wanted to get home to him, i didn’t see it the way i see it now. i am absolutely lost because i love him & have been with him for so long but i also think that i might be happier without him. i’m not completely innocent, i’ve done my fair share but i’ve completely stopped fighting back because it isn’t worth it to me anymore. whenever he’s mean, my mind is made up that we need to split up. but when he’s nice, i feel bad for even thinking that way. i feel so stupid for even posting this when i feel it’s obvious what i’m supposed to do but i just want to hear other women’s opinion. how am i supposed to leave someone that i’ve been with for this long? i don’t know how to live without him. i also will not be able to afford our house in my own & i can’t go back to my parents. please help me ladies, i am so beyond lost😭