There’s lots of crap going on in my life. The biggest thing is my parents talk ab separating a LOT but they never actually do it. My mom wants it to happen, my dad doesn’t. He says he will leave, he goes away for a few days and comes back and they act like nothings wrong. Well that is until it happens again 2 weeks later.

My moms talked ab how she doesn’t want to be w my dad and isn’t happy with her life for YEARS. This is the first time she’s actually trying to do something But she feels guilty and my dads health is bad and we are broke asf and can’t afford anything rn. That’s why she isn’t sticking to ehat she wants even though she’s depressed, is taking 6 weeks off work (payed) and is now seeing a therapist again.

Anyway because of this (and other things) I’m ALWAYS in a bad mood when I’m around them. Like I just can’t help being a bitch and I feel really bad afterwards but they are just so damn annoying. I don’t want to be around them or talk to them at all until they fucking figure out wtf they’re doing. My dads depressed and usually just a miserable person but you can tell he’s trying and he just looks like a hurt puppy most the time trying to act like he’s okay and hangout w me. But idk, I feel bad but I don’t. I mean I’m just used to him always being an asshole w anger issues who’s never happy so it’s hard for me to be nice and actually wanna hang w him (which is why I do go on trips w him like camping and fishing and other stuff. He thinks I like doing that stuff but I just pretend so his feeling aren’t hurt)

Idk it’s like I’m being super hard on them rn when this is probably the worst time. It’s like everything they’ve ever done wrong is always going through my head like my moms drinking problem, her spending problem, how she’s cheating on my dad , then how my dad is negative asf, flipped the kitchen table on me twice, threw a chair at me, etc. so I’m always being a bitch. It’s so aggravating and I don’t want to be mad at them. My brothers in college so I’m stuck with taking all this shit and being around it like I always have. He was always one to run away from everything and leave me behind. Now he just has an excuse w college. Hell If I were able to I’d do that too but I can’t.

Fuck Ik they don’t deserve me being a bitch to them but Jesus Christ I just hate my life rn. It’s the middle of winter too so everyone is in bad moods anyways. We have no money to go anywhere , ugh I just hate everything. I just feel stuck with these ppl and in this trash of a state with my mediocre friends that honestly take advantage and treat my like shit most times. Nobody’s gonna read this so I’m just gonna still writing now. Maybe I’ll make a diff post once my thoughts are actually organized.