Hello!

I am new here so I thought I would introduce myself. My name is Melissa and I am 29 years old. My hubby and I have been ttc for almost 9 years. I have PCOS and we have done multiple rounds of treatment. We have even talked about adoption. Then the end of last year I kind of just woke up one morning and decided I was done. I was tired of putting my body, mind, and heart through this month after month. I kind of just sucked it up and came to the realization that I will never get pregnant and I will never be a mom and I was absolutely fine with that. I was feeling good about myself and just was finally out of 9 years was okay. Anyway, fast forward to this month. I finally had a period in Jan after not having one since last June. Hubby and I for some reason TMI (too much information) dtd more than normal I guess you could say the past couple of weeks. I think since the pressure of ttc was off the table we could finally enjoy it again and it didn't feel like a job. Anyway, I could have sworn up and down I was pregnant. I was feeling off and just didn't feel good. Hell, I still don't feel good. But I tested the day before yesterday and it was, of course, a BFN. At first, I was fine with. But then I looked at it a little bit later and could have sworn I saw a faint second line and so could a few other people. Of course now over 48 hrs later there was a horrible evap. But anyway. I don't know what to do. I can't help but feel disappointed and sad and I am trying to get back into that mindset that I am okay with this. But I am having a hard time. After almost 9 years it just seems impossible and I feel absolutely crazy even thinking it would happen.