How often and for how long is it reasonable for grandparents to visit ?

Question

I’m trying to figure out if I’m off base here getting annoyed with my in-laws visiting 2x per week (staying anywhere 30 min-4 hours) and the assumption they make that that’s “their schedule “. My MIL annoys the hell out of me.
But I don’t want this to be about me. I can suck it up and deal if I should. I want it to be about what’s best for my daughter.

Answer

I eventually told my husband that it can only be once a week for a couple hours. And pick the time... like Tuesday after dinner then you know it’s only like 2 hour max?!

Answer

It’s tough. My in-laws are sweet people but i sometimes find it hard when they want to see us or babysit all the time, but I try to remind myself that since I have a boy I will be the mother in law one day too and will just want to see my grandbaby (which I know seems crazy to think of something that is so far away). Ultimately I just encourage my husband to ask them to come at a time he’ll be home too and if I need to I use that time to get stuff done or even sneak away for some time to myself.  You have to do what works for you and once a week seems reasonable to me.

Answer

My in laws have been living with us since baby was 2 weeks old, now 10 weeks old. We barely speak the same language and they want the baby almost all day. On the other hand, I get to nap sometimes and they cook/clean. It can be annoying but what do you do? 
It’s my first baby and their first grandchild. My husband works nights as well, so I spend a lot of time home with them. I have to ask for my baby back sometimes also. I only get her when she’s crying. They wait for me to feed her and then ask for her again. 
My husband’s asked me multiple times about giving formula or letting them feed her expressed milk. Nobody seems to understand that I still need to pump. 🤷‍♀️ 
It’s a totally different culture too so they want the car seat straps looser, to take her out of the car seat while we are driving (because she’s crying), feed her bottles while we are driving and she’s strapped in, etc.

Answer

It’s so tough, my parents live here and they come by almost daily and I LOVE it they cuddle my baby or play with her  or take her in a little walk and i can get a few things done. In-laws are a whole different story, they life out of town and so when they fly in the stay with us and this next trip they will be in my house for 5 full days and I’m deeply dreading it. It’s just way too much concentrated time with anybody! And they don’t understand the need for me to breastfeed on demands and I’m always asking for my baby back...having to ask is insane also MIL is clearly quite jealous of my parents cause she’s always saying things like “oh YOUR parents must be so happy this get to see her ALL the time” ugh this phase is tough. Also we have the first grandchild on both sides so they are over the top obsessed.

Answer

On the one hand, it’s super sweet they want to be that involved. On the other, I know it’s disruptive. 4 hours is excessive unless they’re cleaning your kitchen and bathrooms (or something useful). When my son was born, I would happily let anyone come and hold him while I took a long shower and actually dried my hair afterwards or while I had a nap. But if they aren’t helping you out at all, you’ll need to set boundaries which include them coming on your terms for however long you decide they should come.

Answer

My mother is the one that gets upset with me if I don’t invite her over everyday. I love my mother but it’s too much sometimes. There are days where we want to be on our own and just be a family but she makes me feel guilty and starts crying that she can’t see her grandson everyday.

Answer

I would say it depends in if you are getting help/ getting time to yourself or if they are more work to have around. My mom comes over once a week but she either does some chores or allows me to go rest, but my mil is just more work to have over so she is only allowed once every two weeks. You are allowed to set those boundaries

Answer

I would say once a week is more reasonable. Baby needs to be getting into a routine now too and I can bet the visits are cutting into nap and feeding times.

How often and for how long is it reasonable for grandparents to visit ?

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