I hate my fiancé... I know you all will say “just leave” it’s not that easy...

I knew this man 10 years... he told me he wanted to marry me the moment he met me... we have been together 2 years.. haven’t been married yet.. when we got together it was fucking amazing!!! I was enamored with him, he convinced me to leave my job, work with him, make a baby...

we made one, I love her..

I want to leave.. my only option? Go to a woman’s shelter.. I would lose my son!!! I can’t leave, I have no family to support me, he has no family that would take us in... if they did I would be scraping by with a 5 year old and a baby.. it’s not possible.. if i went to a shelter I would lose custody of my son.... he is my sunshine... I want to leave to leave to a homeless shelter but I would lose my son... I have to deal... I have to.. my children are right upstairs.. if I lost my son, my life would be worthless, if I lost my daughter, I couldn’t bare... I wish I didn’t have multiple children so I could fucking end it and trust my baby would be cared for.. but one of my babies could go to him!!!!!!! I need an out!!! I want to die, without my children I will die!!! I have no other. I have no other reason... I need to love for them.. as much as I want to die, they are my Jesus... but would they be better without me??’noooo has ugh I need to live for them.. I need to leave.. for them... but how???? Without losing my son in the process?? JFK I would rather he strike me down