(this is long and ramble-y, sorry in advance!)

i had some mental health problems from about 7th grade into my first year of university - possibly even earlier. i dealt with depression, social and general anxiety, and (pretty mild but still it affected my everyday living) ocd.

i feel like i’ve gotten over the majority of it (i’m now almost done my second year of university). i definitely wouldn’t consider myself depressed anymore, but i still get depressive episodes every month or so and they can last anywhere from a few hours to a week or more.

i still deal with anxiety on the daily, but it’s gone from being completely unable to talk to strangers to just sweating and stuttering (that sort of stuff). and i have a lot less panic attacks - those have gone from weekly or more, to about monthly.

my ocd is pretty much gone now. i went from wiping down every surface with a disinfectant wipe in a public space before i would even consider being there, to just not touching door handles or hand rails and being a “little extra” about germs and things.

(ps. i went to see a counsellor - it was a free program - after grade 11 but it didn’t help much, and i have never been able to afford therapy.)

i guess i just can’t seem to finish getting over the hurdles - if that makes any sense? it’s like i can see the end of the tunnel, but i just can’t seem to get there.

partly i also believe that because no one knew (or knows) much of anything about what i went through, i feel like no one knows how far i’ve come. so i don’t feel like i’ve accomplished anything to be proud of, and i did all that fighting for nothing. i just feel like i still have a long way to go - and what does it really matter if i do or not? no one will care either way.

i know i should just be proud of myself, but i still feel like since i haven’t made it all the way i don’t have anything to be proud of.

and i feel like i need to tell the people in my life what i was (and have been) battling. but i also hate attention and worry about people’s reactions.

i also always worry that no one will care.

sometimes i just still feel so worthless and like i wont be successful or achieve any of my dreams, and i wish that would all go away.

does depression ever go away? i don’t believe my anxiety will - but i hope i can get it under control as well.

anyways i’m sorry this is more of a rant. i really appreciate it if you bothered to read through all of this.

sorry i just rambled on and on.

thank you for reading! any advice will be greatly appreciated 💕

love to all