I reached out to this girl (let’s call her Nina) over a year ago because we were both new mothers and I wanted to connect with more moms in the area. I thought she seemed really cool and we seemed to have a lot in common.

So we grabbed coffee and started hanging out like once a week. We’d often take trips to the closest big town (we live in a small town) and go to target and such.

Fast forward like 6 months. Nina has this best friend who I don’t really like. I always feel like this girl is only friends with people if they have something to offer her. She’s obsessed with getting famous on Instagram and is always writing these preachy posts. Anyway, Nina is always complaining about her best friend, and how she always wants to be besties with everyone. But her best friend does beach body, and she is the only person I knew who did it, so I met with her about doing beach body once or twice, and when I decided it wasn’t for me I told her and that was that. I had also started hitting it off with another girl who was also friends with Nina around the same time.

So this last summer I get this longgggg text about how Nina doesn’t want me being friends with all of her friends and that getting to know her takes time and I’m not going to be her best friend by being friends with all of her friends. I was like wtf. The whole thing came across sooooo controlling and manipulative. So for whatever reason I felt the need to justify my decisions to her. We sort of worked things out, but from then on I always worried I was going to piss her off by hanging out with anyone she knew. I also was really uneasy about our friendship because what kind of person gets upset at you for wanting to be their close friend. Like how shitty and boring do I have to be that you have to pick a fight with me JUST to make sure I know that I am NOT your best friend?...

Anywho, after this, I paid closer attention to our friendship and the way Nina treated me. She would often say things that were super critical of me and laugh at things I said or did, but not in a nice way, in the way that makes you feel stupid or silly. She would call into question things I said (literally she once questioned how many times I watched Grey’s Anatomy) and made me feel like I had to defend myself to her. I could never get close to her. If I shared something personal, she put very little effort into her response. She would do nice things like giving my son a birthday present or posting a picture of us on my birthday, but I felt like our friendship looked happy and healthy to everyone besides me. Like she was putting on a show so everyone would think she was this amazing friend.

Finally, this last two months were like the straw that broke the camel’s back. I had shared with her that I was having a tough time with depression and anxiety. I barely got a response. I barely heard from her after that. I always felt like I was the one reaching out to talk or make plans, so my friend recommended I stop reaching out and wait for her to contact me. I had contacted her one last time to invite her to come meet our new puppy and hang out.

I waited. And waited. And waited. Silence.

She didn’t reach out to me in a month. Not even a comment on Instagram or a text saying she didn’t have time to hang out.

So I sent her a text telling her how our friendship made me feel, and how I’d often felt during the course of it. I know meeting

in person would have been the better way to go, but I figured if she was too busy to hang out or even send a text, I’m not going to waste my time trying to meet up with her.

There was an angry, defensive response from her, which I just didn’t respond to. I’ve never felt the need to end a friendship like this, but she made me feel just awful about myself. I basically have to break ties with all of her friends that I’m friends with too, because they are all very loyal to her, but I’ve never felt so free. She was such a toxic friend, and her group was such a toxic group, and I didn’t realize just how horrible I felt when I was friends with her until I was out of it. Even her reply to me telling her how I felt was manipulative. She started with “well obviously you have a lot of things you need to figure out...” like I was some crazy person who can’t handle friendship. She made me feel like I was insane. Like it was all in my head and she was just the innocent victim. I don’t recommend this if you can avoid it, but sometimes bridges have to be burned.

So I broke up with my friend, and I’m feeling better about myself than I have in ages. It doesn’t even feel much like a loss, because our friendship was so shallow and one-sided from the very beginning. But I’ve started investing more in other friendships and being open to new possibilities, and it feels so good. 💞