I'm not the brightest girl sometimes. I really wish I had been smarter. I'm in college, I'm 20 years old. I was wanting to make new friends. I started talking to this guy and we went downstairs in the basement to make his pizza pockets. I live in the dorms. Usually, people would be hanging out, doing homework, making food even at 2 or 3 in the morning. This is where the only microwave is for the residence hall I was in. We aren't allowed to have microwaves in our rooms. He puts it in for about 5-7 minutes. I don't even remember the microwave going off. He comments on my chest, this made me uncomfortable. At this point I'm trying to find a way out. He asked if he could feel them. I didn't even have time to answer. He groped my chest hard. The next thing I know I was in the back study room. (I think I remember being dragged by my hair but it's hazy.) At this point my body is frozen in fear and shock. My clothes are off I'm not wearing anything. I'm shaking. He forces me to get on my knees and he makes me gag on his penis. I couldn't breathe but he didn't care. He had a tight grip on the back of my head. He kept calling me names. I was so fucking scared. He demanded I call him by the word of daddy. I only said it after I could breathe again just so I wouldn't anger him. I didn't mean it though and I just wanted it to end. Unfortunately, he got on top of me and just shoved his penis in my vagina. It hurt so fucking bad. I really wanted to die. He kept calling me awful names. He kept asking, "You like that whore, do you?"

Ever since I haven't been the same person. I barely even recognize myself anymore. I still get up and wonder why I'm still alive. It doesn't help that I have been sexually abused and molested before. I get panic attacks from that night. Awful, horrid nightmares. Sleep problems. Pain in my vagina, I don't understand it either? Ever since the attack I get super dizzy. I fainted a few weeks ago. My mental state is in decline. I don't even know how to live with it sometimes. I'll end up bawling my eyes out in a bathroom stall. I just wrote out almost everything I can remember from the night that changed me.