Scared

I’ve been in a relationship for a year and a half and this is my first relationship and during this time I’ve realised that I’m not really a fan of being in a relationship. Like of course I love being with my boyfriend and I’m so in love with him but it just scares me so much knowing how much power he has to like destroy my emotions and make me so sad. He hasn’t done anything and we plan to get married in the future but it’s just so scary to think about how he has a lot of power over how I feel. Idk I just feel like it would have been easier if I never had a relationship ever even tho I would have been sad about not being in a relationship it seems like that would be easier to deal with than relationship problems. Idk, does anyone understand what I’m talking about?

(Like if I was to ever break up with him or him with me I would be the most upset I’ve ever been and I don’t think I could deal with that pain)