I’m turning 36 this coming Saturday. I had my baby girl about 7 weeks ago and I can honestly say I am happy to have her but not completely happy with my life and where it’s going. I met baby daddy when I was in college 10 years ago through a friend, dated very briefly but ended bc we wanted different things but remained friends. I moved back to NY after graduating, struggled to find a job in fashion design (my college major) while living with mom but after a few tries I landed a great job then switch jobs again in the same field yet I was able to keep afloat with rent, bills, student loans (still owe a whole lot of money) and maintain a somewhat less stressful life. Baby dad and I kept in touch throughout the years but no romance, kept it friendly and many times he said he regretted not taking me more seriously and so on. Finally came to visit last year, stayed a week, had a great time (it was vacation time after all) he left saying he would like to move to NY to experience living life here but we never mentioned about starting a serious relationship but perhaps maybe try dating once he moves. A month after he left, I found out I was pregnant, I was scared, nervous but also happy somehow bc I always said I didn’t want kids but deep down kinda hoped one day to have one. I told him the news which of course it was a shock for him but he took some days to think and he told me he wanted to help in any way. I never asked him for help or move from California to be here with me and claim his responsibility as a father. He truly wanted to help. I was happy to know he would be here to help raise the baby together but it didn’t click to me that we were a couple. It felt like it was gonna be team work like you would with a coworker or friend. Before he moved he was let go of his job and began collecting unemployment meanwhile I was trying to enjoy my pregnancy. The first months weren’t so bad I was happy and making plans about my life with my baby but never really thought of him being my boyfriend or future husband. I did tell few people he was my bf to make myself feel better that I wasn’t completely alone or that I’d be a single mom. I wasn’t afraid of that in fact my best friend, my mom and many other friends were encouraging me to think more positively about being a single mom and I was beginning to embrace the idea. Once baby dad moved I knew he would have to find a job and thought we could make it with my salary and his unemployment till he finds a job. Also I was counting that my paid family leave benefits will come in early or just in time during my maternity leave to help with rent and bills and maybe some food but it’s been 6 weeks and I’m still waiting (the insurance company is going thru some changes so things are taking longer to process) But the most upsetting part is the lack of motivation from baby daddy. He still hasn’t found a job, his last unemployment check came in and it’s supposed last till the end of this month hoping my check for PFL comes in a week (fingers crossed). He takes everything so lightly like shit will resolve itself or money will fall out of the sky or thinks his or my family will help with money. He spends all his waking hours (he wakes up past noon almost everyday) in front of the computer applying for jobs he says and sometimes I see him looking at job posts but I also see him posting on Facebook all the time mostly about political stuff that I understand it’s important but it’s not currently helping fix the financial struggle, he is always playing video games with his friends online, reading stupid crap on Reddit and laughing like an idiot. Keeps his headset on literally all the time so I hardly communicate with him. However, he does help with the baby, he changes her diaper and feeds her when I want to take a break bc I also like to keep my apt clean and neat. Something he doesn’t quite get bc he’s always lived like a frat boy with dirty dishes in the sink and around his room. Dirty laundry on the floor, skips showers bc he doesn’t need to if he is not going out somewhere. Drinks soda like it’s water, eats with his mouth open and uses his hands to eat bc forks are not necessary for him, in other words I see him for who he really is, something I didn’t know or didn’t think he would be. Lazy!

He is now getting comfortable with the idea that I’ll be going back to work in a month and most likely he will have to stay at home and watch the baby. Like I’ll be “paying him” sort of speak to do what he said he would do as a father, raise the baby. This is his way of providing I suppose and it’s upsetting bc I feel like I’m doing all the sacrifices not just for the baby and me but I also have to support his ass so that he can take care of her bc he is incapable of doing it himself. He once joked he would love to be the stay at home dad while I go out and hustle. I see him taking care of our daughter, yes, but I don’t see him cooking and cleaning and keeping the place neat like I would if it was me staying at home. He only wants to do the bare minimum and that’s infuriating to me. And now I feel like I’m stuck with this man whom I have no actual love feelings for other than repulsion and disgust bc he has also manage to gain more weight than I did when I was pregnant. And he expects me to feel like I want to lay with him again. I can’t. I don’t want to. I cry almost everyday bc I feel so helpless and overwhelmed and scared bc I don’t know how to handle this situation. I was always able to figure out the solution to life problems before the baby and now I just can’t do it. But it’s worse when you have baby dad who is supposed to be a comfort and make me feel secure if we were to say we are a couple but he doesn’t make feel any of those things. Just anger. I’ve lashed out many times and even said awful things about the baby which of course I immediately regretted and asked God to forgive me for even thinking that way. My OB has already recommended a psychiatrist which I will see soon but I still don’t think this person will help me figure out what to do about him, the baby dad. Any advise?