Am I wrong?

Question

So me and my boyfriend were friends and then fell in love, we are now expecting our first child together. When we first met I made it very clear I want my future to not include a man that isn’t around, I am not cut out to be a military wife or girlfriend. Well now while I’m pregnant I found out he is talking to a recruiter. And I asked him to be honest about his plans because it seems like he’s making a future decision for me and his baby without consulting me as well as knowing how I already feel, well he proceeds to say he’s looking into it in case we break up. Also keep in mind we’ve talked about getting married! I don’t know how to feel and I don’t understand why if we’re going to get married and have our little family why he’d be looking into this? Am I wrong for being concerned and slightly upset he lied? I want my future husband to be around for me and his children to experience life with, he has great opportunities work wise but he seems to mainly want this despite saying he would only join if we broke up. I just don’t know how to feel or what to think and when I express how this makes me feel he flips it on me and says I’m always trying to argue and that it’s not a big deal. Am I wrong for being slightly upset and heartbroken by this? He’s making me feel like I’m the bad guy but personally I don’t think he’d like it if I were making plans for the what if’s if it weren’t even close to coming to that? I don’t even know how to feel right now. If I’m wrong I’ll admit it but I feel like with me making it clear and the fact we are starting a family (this baby is 100% planned) idk someone please help me! I can’t even sort my thoughts! 😞😭

Answer

Id be more concerned that he says it in case you break up yet he’s planned to have a baby and you spoke about marriage. He doesn’t sound committed to you if he has a back up plan for a break up!

Answer

As someone who knows a lot of people in the military I would say this. The military is more of the safe route. By that I mean you’ll always have a place to live, they pay you if your married and have children. Now he can chose something in the military that doesn’t require him to leave y’all. My best friend joined and while she was stationed in a different state and away from her family she had her husband and child with her. Some people just have a calling for the military and others don’t. He may be thinking of it as his way to provide for his family. I know you are totally against it but when your calm ask him if it’s something he really wants to do or if it’s his way of providing for y’all. He may be saying the whole break up thing because he’s scared to tell you he really wants to do this. I wouldn’t get that worked up about it. Trying talking to him again but try listening from his point. That way y’all can be honest.  Good luck!

Answer

What the hell is wrong with him? You don’t just say that. Make sure he is sure about the marriage and if he is tell him that saying things like that are wrong. Dont get brainwashed

Answer

WOW GUYS! thank you all so much for your responses I really respect and have read all of them. I think we do need to have a serious talk. I don’t want to hold him back for my selfish needs but I also have a vision and things I see and don’t see me being able to handle in my future. I cannot thank you all enough for these responses while some of them may not be what I wanted to hear I sure heard what I needed to. We will have a serious conversation and I came here to ask because I truly believe it’s easier to be realistic when you are not emotionally involved in the relationship and that’s where you all came in! Thank you so so much my heart feels calmer and I seriously thank you all so much so much!!! ♥️♥️♥️♥️

Answer

You have the right to feel how you feel but being right isn’t going to solve you issues. If you approach conversations with emotions and accusations you won’t resolve anything. You both have to engage honestly and with the goal of maintaining your family.

Answer

I feel this...my dad worked out of state my entire childhood. My mom was left to raise 5 kids. She did as best she could, we all ended up ok, but we dealt with things we shouldn’t have had to. It left a mark on all of  us, in one way or another. I travel with my SO for his career. We have discussed eventually “settling down” somewhere. He knows that I will NOT live separate from him and raise kids, while he’s away working. If he tried to...it would be a deal breaker for me. I’m not doing that to myself, after seeing my mom, depressed, struggling to stay on top of everything. I’m also not doing that to my kids...I lived it! You need to have a serious convo with him and put your foot down. If he can’t get on board...he’s not the one for you!

Answer

If I were you I’d ask if he is really committed to you and your relationship. Explain how communication is key in a relationship and major life changes like that deserve to be discussed with you if he values you. If he doesn’t understand that or gets upset with you over it then id keep your guard up. You’re feelings in this are valid and considering your carrying his child, the last thing he should be thinking about is the possibility of you breaking up.

Answer

I mean to say you weren’t wrong but I accidentally hit yes

Answer

I would be concerned that he’s not fully committed to your relationship. With that said, I think holding him back from what he wants to do is very wrong. I am wondering if he thinks your relationship won’t work out for that reason. He wants to do something with his life that you’re trying to prevent him from doing. You have every right to not want to be with someone in the military. But he also has every right to do what he wants to do with his life. So, I think that maybe the two of you are not meant to be together and perhaps he already knows this and is planning for it.

Am I wrong?

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