This is going to sound beyond dumb but I just don’t know what to do. One of my best guy friends came home about a month ago and we hooked up twice. He left back to the military the next day and we cont to talk all day and ft all night. He was the one moving so quickly and I was the hesitant one because I had just gotten out of a long toxic relationship. We only talked for about 20 days but it was the best 20 days I’ve ever experienced. Although he was far, he made me feel beyond special, appreciated, and deserving. He even got me gorgeous flowers for Valentine’s Day. We talked about our future, our families, and everything. I even was planning on visiting him in a few months and was so close to buying a plane ticket. 2 weeks ago, he told me one morning that he thinks we should just stay friends. He was acting weird for 3 days before so I knew something was up. After he told me this we called and tbh I didn’t know what to say. We talked later that night and he agreed that he’d think about it more because he thought he was just confused. The next day he told me the same thing. He told me he isn’t ready for a committed relationship, that he wants to focus on his relationship with god, and he wants to focus on school and work. He mentioned a few times that it just bad timing, and that he wanted to do it the right way (meaning him being back home, which won’t happen for another 2 years). But that was one of the first things he’s said so idk if that’s changed. On top of that, he told me he was saving himself for marriage (he had sex before me) but he lost it when he came back home. I told him I respected that and all but he was still persistent that we should remain just good friends. For the 2 weeks after that, I was so stressed and was overthinking about everything. I’d text him asking him questions about why it happened because I was so confused how it all happened so quickly. He’d tell me the same thing and said he regrets “losing” it more and more every day, but that I wasn’t a mistake. He also said that me taking so long to commit to him meant a lot to him, which sucks because I finally got there when he wasn’t anymore. He’d continue to tell me being good friends is important to him and for me not to stress about that. This week I’ve been feeling a lot better. I’ll send him funny memes here and there and snaps, but he doesn’t always reply to them. I feel like we’re somewhat moving on to the way things used to be. Every single day I tell myself this is all in His plan. That it’ll work out and I just need to let it be. But another part of me today is telling me to let him know how I really feel now. To let him know that I do want to do this and that I was so dumb being scared to commit. To tell him that we can do this and still work on ourselves. To just tell him that I don’t want to lose the amazing connection we had and be scared anymore of a LDR or being with someone new and that I just want to fully let myself go and commit. I want to tell him that I respect his morals, as this guy has made me realize how much I’ve lost my relationship with God while in college. I’ve even joined a church and have been trying to redeem myself for all the wrong things I’ve done. I want to tell him that we can still visit each other and respect each other’s morals...that we won’t let ourselves go that far again. I want to tell him that we should just go for it and not hold back. BUT, I’m scared he won’t feel the same anymore. I’m scared he’ll think I’m absolutely crazy and that I was a mistake. I’m scared he lost all those feelings for me even though it was a few weeks ago. I’m scared I’m going to say something he doesn’t want to hear and it’ll ruin our friendship forever. I’m scared I’ll tell him and he will just straight out reject me or ignore me. I’ve been thinking that maybe now he feels like he made a mistake dropping me, but maybe it’s just wishful thinking. Or maybe he’s thinking the same thing as I am...that he made a mistake ending things but just doesn’t want to tell me because he’s so hard headed. He told me that he’s liked me ever since he first met me in college, which was 4 years ago and he’s liked me this whole time. But what if that’s all changed now? What he stands for and how he treats me is everything I’ve ever wanted and I didn’t even know it until now. I so just want to call/text him and tell him all of this, I just don’t want to make a dumb mistake but I feel like us not talking anymore is a mistake. I’m scared that if I don’t say anything now, it’ll be too late later on when he does come home in a few years. Or I can just ride it out, hope for the best & pray we reconnect later. What should I do? Please...nice comments only.

P.S. I whole heartedly believe he didn’t just “use” me. He’s very family oriented and would tell his parents and sister about me every single day. They would ask him questions about me and it was really sweet. He even told all his friends and was really proud to be talking to me. I believe him that he wants to solely focus on himself and that’s why he second guessed himself.