Advice on my in laws to be
Ladies, I need your advice/support.
The other night my fiancé was talking to his mom for a good portion of the night. When he came back, he told me that his mom asked him things like are you sure you want to marry her? Are you sure she is the one? He immediately told her of course, that he needs knows 100% and he questioned why she would even ask that. She told him that she and his father notice that I make and ask him to do everything form me and they don’t feel that’s right. They said that even his sister noticed when we were on a vacation all together. My fiancé shrugged it off and told her it isn’t like that. Then she said that she really wanted him to think about it because she didn’t want us getting divorced in the future. That it would not be fair to our future kids and that he should really be sure about me.
To me, this was the final straw and I was hurt so deeply by all of this. This is not the first time that she has said something like this behind my back.
A little background for you:
I am from Northern California. We met in Arizona while in college and traveling. We moved to his home state of Colorado, about 1.5 hours from his parents. He was very familiar with the area and has lots of friends, while I was a complete stranger to this state. When he was let go from his job, we had a very hard decision to make. We ultimately chose to move to his very small hometown and live with his parents until we got on our feet. I did not want to do this AT ALL, but I did it for the benefit of our relationship. I then gave up my expensive Jeep, which I had purchased before him, to a family member for a zero dollar purchase amount because I couldn’t afford the $400 monthly payment while financially supporting him. We kept his car. I took a new job the first weekend we moved here. I don’t like it, but I took it in hopes of getting on our feet quicker. His mom and sister have both made several comments about how I am not good enough. While he was unemployed for almost 6 months, I completely financially supported us. I never once nagged or even suggested that he get a job or anything like that because I wanted him to get a job he liked, not just any job like me. While he was unemployed, he played video games all day every day. So yes, I asked to step up with laundry and household chores. I felt that was appropriate contribution. The vacation his sister brought up was an all expenses paid (by me) to Northern California for an entire week over Christmas. I can’t even believe she talked about me poorly to her mom behind my back. They have picked apart our relationship too many times to count and I’m deeply hurt about it. I feel like I have given up everything, just to be able to support him. I am completely alone here and I don’t know anyone. I barely have any freedom and the large majority of my income goes towards supporting us. But I would do it a million more times for him if I had to. I do nothing but work hard and love third son/brother. I sense that this is only going to get worse and she will continue to insert her into our relationship. (And this is only speaking of how she inserts herself regarding me. She also looks at his banking statements and things of that nature so she can “advise” him on his life choices. He is 26 and I am almost 24. She has also made comments about how I should go on a diet.... I fear she will turn into a monster in law. Sorry this is so long. Ladies, what is your advice? How do you deal with in laws? Unfortunately I know that this is very common. Thanks for listening 💛 p.s. we both have really good jobs now so we are able to move out and I won’t have to deal with her as much but I still fear that relationship as we would like to have kids soon.