I feel broken. I wake up and I feel empty inside. I cry a lot. I walked home yesterday from work in the dark when it was raining and just cried because of the pain. I don't know when it'll get better. I don't know how it got to this point. Last year just ruined my mental health. It was never that great but this time last year it was a lot better than it is now. I never knew how much people could hurt you without even trying. I never knew how much people can make you feel insignificant and inferior, not enough. I had my heart bruised by a guy who told me all the right things then vanished. I then had my heart broken by a guy I was falling in love with who didn't know what he wanted but strung me along for the hell of it. I had my heart broken by my best friend who said she'd be there for me, like I was her when she had nobody, but she too left my life. Now I have nobody. I'm in a new full time job and studying for a degree part time but I've never felt more hollow. I've got to a point where I was walking home yesterday almost picturing what it would be like if a car hit me. Would anyone care? No they wouldn't. I'd just become another victim of mental health. People say "we're here for you", "there's help around" but when I'm crying out for it, desperate for some help there's nothing around. Therapy is expensive, free counseling has a long waiting list. I'm just a burden. I'm trying to fix myself, think positive thoughts but it's so difficult. I can't see an end to this pain. I just see it getting worse. Other girls my age (21) are out loving life, partying, in love, happy,free. As they should be. And I look at the photos on my phone and wish more than anything I could have that sense of feeling free with people again. Just being able to laugh without a care in the world. Being able to smile again without forcing it. It wasn't that long ago since I last had that but it was only for a second when put into perspective. And it feels like a lifetime ago. In fact it was another life ago. I know I'm selfish for thinking this and I'm sorry it's so long and self indulgent but I have nobody to talk to and no one wants to listen. This is the only platform I can remain anonymous. Not that anyone knows or cares who I am anyway.

I'm insignificant,

I'm replaceable.

That's been proven time and time again.

Sorry I'm done feeling sorry for myself 😂