This morning I walked into my kitchen and my brother who stays with us and is 16 years old sat there lifeless, no emotion, just.. blank. I brushed around him working to get breakfast ready for my husband and get our day going; while thinking my brother was just exhausted due to him being very athletic and having had practices from the end of school yesterday until 11pm last night, makes sense right?

Without saying anything to me he stands up and starts to walk out of the kitchen about 15 minutes earlier than normal and so I called out goodbye to him and got no answer. Confused, I followed him to see him staring into nothing and immediately felt my face become as pale as his.

I steadily asked him what was going on. He shifted his blank glaze to meet my eyes and in an empty way says “Katie is dead.. I got a call from my best friend last night at midnight. She shot herself in the head. What did I do? What could I have done? Why did she not talk to me? I knew NOTHING was wrong, SHE HID EVERYTHING FROM ME!” As he threw his phone and flipped a lamp off of the side table. Katie was his first girlfriend, they have dated three times total. The last time they had spoke she was happy and laughing and minutes later posted a selfie on instagram smiling the purest smile, in his hoodie that she has had for over three years.

On the call he screamed your lying to me, she’s not dead, I hate you, why did you call me. All at his best friend who he now thinks he has lost. He didn’t sleep he sat outside in the 15 degree temperature praying someone would come to him and it would be over, someone started the worst of the worst rumor! But that didn’t happen. He sat there all night crying pleading God to bring her back, but even if God would, her skull is blown to bits, there is NOTHING to go back to! Today he walked the halls for the first time without her touch on his arm, the hug of happiness and fullness. Today is the first day he has had to know the darkest pain he has ever felt, and sit in school by her empty desk knowing there is NOTHING he can do to fix this!

My 16 year old brother is number than numb, his breath is as cold as her body that lays in the morgue, his face as lifeless as we know hers is because he will never get the chance to say goodbye, he loves her, or to even see her face one more time....

Suicide is the sharpest tragedy, especially when the person who takes their own life doesn’t tell anyone anything is wrong! They hide it all so completely that not even the most loved ones can pick up on something being wrong. Please if you are considering self harm or suicide talk to someone let them know SOMETHING. Even if you can’t say what you might do let them know your hurting and need help! His sweetheart is gone forever and he is left with NOTHING but her memory..

Others will do so much to help you if you just reach out.. please, don’t be someone else’s Katie..

Everyone else, please, keep my brother and Katie’s family in your prayers.