Sooooooooo

Long story short (kinda)

My mom and I always had a close relationship but it was always because I’m the type of person who just wants to make everyone else happy, especially my mom. She’s a lot to handle! My sister on the other hand, doesn’t have a good relationship with her because she speaks her mind to her.

Everyone who knows my mom knows she is a handful or two! She is disabled from birth but not disabled with her mouth! Lol she has a bark and speaks what’s on her mind. Even my obgyn keeps asking me if my mom will be in the room cause he knows how she is..

Anyways -

With my first pregnancy - my mom wanted to be in the room but it wasn’t realistic because she lives in Nc and I live in NJ. She kept saying she was going to be there though and take pictures and videos and she wants to see how it looks with a baby coming out, etc. we got in plenty of disagreements because I didn’t want pictures of videos taken of my vagina. Needless to say, she ended up not coming up cause she didn’t have enough time too.. and my mother in law ended up being in the room because I’m really close with her and she asked last minute so we told her she could but she had to follow our rules. Which she is somewhat different from my mom. My mom doesn’t care about rules we have, and will sneak some pictures and videos and probably be dramatic in the room lol but his mom respected our rules and just helped us both get through delivery.

Now I’m on my second pregnancy (38 weeks pregnant) and my mom has been saying she’s going to be in the room this time and she’s booking a flight a week before I’m due and staying for a whole week in hopes that I will be giving birth, and saying that we have to pick her up from the airport, etc. and IM STRESSED. I love my mom to death, but she is a lot to handle. Not only that - I have to help her get dressed, make her meals, brush her hair, etc. and with a toddler and a newborn - I will seriously be stressed. She told me today that she wants to be there and can’t wait to rub my belly and help me through delivery but honestly I feel that it’s just different now - I’m a big girl and we do want things to be more private as well in the room, just between my fiancé and I. Not only that but my fiancé only has off for two weeks, and I want to enjoy the time being a family of 4, and would love for my mom to come two weeks after I deliver.

Another reason - I dealt with postpartum for three weeks with my first and been already stressing about dealing with postpartum again. I think having my mom here will make me more stressed and put me more at risk for having postpartum. I just want to be able to enjoy her company and have her here two weeks after the baby is born but I’m so nervous to tell her. I understand she will be hurt especially because my mother in law was in the room last time - but because of that, we decided we want it to be just us (along with all the other reasons!)

How do I tell my mother? I don’t want to hurt her feelings, and I know it will. I know she will make me feel bad about my decision and she will probably call me crying and possibly angry towards me. But I just want to be selfish for once. She told me already that I’m the only daughter she’ll ever get to see birth a baby cause she already knows my sister won’t let her in the room, and that made me feel terrible so I know this is going to hurt her.

Again - I love my mother and love the relationship we have. We call each other almost everyday. And I never ever want to hurt her feelings. I’m the one child she has that she calls and tells me when others hurt her feelings and I’m always supportive of her and always taken care of her mental health.

How do I tell my mother? What should I say? Do you think I’m in the wrong? Has anybody been through this situation? Please help!

I attached a photo of what I typed up but don’t know if it’s good. Please tell me your thoughts.