So I’m making it short sweet and to the point! Here’s the highlights:

We meet, instant love, find out I’m pregnant, go from size 6 to size 14 during pregnancy (yes it’s my fault) he gains a little weight also, we go from multiple times a week to by the time I’m good and showing to no times a week. Go months before and after baby with no sex. Our first time having sex after our baby is basically one of those “I’m horny come here, bang, okay bye” which starts the LONG and PAINFUL next two years of our lives.

We fight about no sex at all. We go months without it. I had and still do but now I manage the high sex drive. I threaten to leave because I can only assume his lack of interest is cheating or he’s gay at this point. He finally admits he has a low sex drive, says he will go to the doctor, misses the appointment and a few fights later I gave up.

I try things to lower my sex drive and he freaks out. I had seen a comment on here about how women can pressure and bully their way for sex also so I realized that’s what I was doing and I felt dirty and sick so I said I was stopping. So I learned how to manage it and have slowly stopped begging for sex. I stopped crying when I go to touch him for affection and he winces at my touch. I stopped getting butt hurt over the snide comments of “why do you always have to be touching me” when to be honest, I only held his hand in the bed because that was something we did from the beginning, we would always touch or hold hands going to sleep. That was the night I realized it was in my head and he was only doing it because he pitied me or something and he’s to good of a man and I’m too pathetic to leave. We have learned to love the stranger we were stuck with and we want to have a family for our daughter. So for the last year I stopped all of that touching and wanting to be affectionate. The stuff I assumed since we always did it was okay to now being apart of the past because I was making him uncomfortable. Which is fine. If he doesn’t like doing any of it I do not want to force him to do it. So I’m learning. Well we finally get sex to a normal thing. We compromised at once a week. But really it’s once a month. I’ve learned to be okay with it and not argue about it because again I don’t want to force him into it. Well right before my time of month I am always extremely turned on. We had sex three days ago. He’s going on the night shift next week so we can’t do it at all and it’ll be a few weeks before we can again.

So last night I hint at it and he lets out a huge terrible groan and goes “Oh my god we just had sex. You are not touching me again okay? I do not want to have sex with you” and I’m shocked. I really had no idea what to say. I was hurt because I don’t ask for sex anymore in person like that. I send him a text a week before and ask when he feels up to it. He tells me a time and I say okay and we treat it like a business deal. And the past few months I haven’t asked at all. I’ve been busy and turned off by how unromantic things are. So I have been taking care of my business alone. So I’m shocked. I didn’t ask the other night. We had a fight I went in to kiss him and he rolled over in bed when I touched his arm and I immediately pulled away thinking he didn’t want me to touch him and he goes, are you coming!? I said yes and he goes “you wanted sex didn’t you?” And I immediately get defensive and go “no it’s okay no I didn’t! I’m sorry” and he grabs my hand and initiates things. I just don’t know whAt to do anymore. We are planning a wedding, raising our kid, built a new home and we’ve had a few fights. We’ve been stressed. It’s just I know I’m going to be in the mood again tonight. I’m honestly debating on telling him to go to a friends house so I can take care of business because I don’t want to throw myself at a man who doesn’t want me..... the sad thing is, I feel that if I had time to loose the weight he would actually be attracted to me. Which sort of pisses me off and makes me not want to loose it because how dare he. Idk I wanted to rant 😔