Talking to my mom... I’m lost😞😰

My mom and I have never had a relationship like I had hoped. My parents are divorced and I spent a week at each house. Last summer I could not take the drinking and the fighting and the harassment and negative lifestyle I felt trapped in any longer, so I packed all my things and left to live with my dad. It’s been almost a year now, shy of a few months, and we have worked on our relationship slowly. I came over for holidays and even just occasional visits and she seemed to be doing better. Today she text me in a very strange way so I knew something was wrong. This is how she would speak to me when she was was getting ready to harass me and my hear instantly started pounding. A flood of memories was brought back to my mind and they were not enjoyable. She wants to talk to me over the phone and I just don’t think I can at this point. I’ve continuously struggled with negativity in my life. One minute I would be fine and the next it feels like I’m just angry at the world and myself or I’m sad and I just don’t want to be happy. The past two weeks have been so incredibly stressful for me and I’m finally at the light I’ve been waiting on, but now it’s just feels like it was stolen from me. I’m finally at a point where I can accept my past and accept my progress in life right now, but today it feels like I’m back at square one! I don’t know what to do and I don’t know why this always happens to me. I just don’t think I can speak to her right now, even over the phone.