When life gives you lemons

My husband and I have been trying since January- although that’s nothing when TTC. We decided to still try, even after the recent loss of his mom the day after Christmas. With that a new adjustments wih work, life became very stressful. We wanted to still press forward with our plan to have a baby. Starting February 1st he began to experience severe back pain- like a lightening storm in his spine and muscles, which were on and off for the month. Along with increased fatigue. My husband is never sick, never achy so this was very weird. We set an appointment for a physical and within a week and a half of doctor appointments we found ourselves on March 8th with a hematologist diagnosing Ira with leukemia. He was admitted into the hospital the following Tuesday. As some of you may know, chemotherapy usually leave men sterile... with a few “samples” frozen at the sperm bank, He began his treatment last Wednesday. Ladies this man is incredible! He is so positive and focused. He still cracks jokes and has his great sense of humor. It’s been one week tuesday since he was admitted. I am so proud of him.

I skipped my period the week he went into the hospital. I was hopeful, but also thinking stress made me skip it. I took a few tests, all negative. To say I’m sad is an understatement. I know we have the option of the sperm stored- its just so different now. Everything is different. It would be stressful in a lot of ways right now if i were pregnant. If i had bad morning sickness, i may not be able to work- or worse not visit Ira in the hospital! I know there are baby blessings in store- but I’m just so bummed. Sorry this is long- i need to vent and heal. I feel this is a safe place to share.

UPDATE: Treatment is going well. He is staying strong. I’ve come to accept that lofe is different and will be from here on out 👌🏽