The empty womb

8years ttc • . 4failed ICSI IVF already and nothing left to transfer. 6 failed IUI's and lots of meds. Adoption home study completed and approved. We have a little boy!!!!

Today I struggle.

Today is a hard day. I can usually manage to put on a happy face and pretend but for some reason I am unable to do that.

Quick back story;

We have been ttc for 7years now. Have done medicated cycles, times intercourse, tons of <a href="">IUI</a>’s , <a href="">IVF</a>’s and it all failed. We have done PRIDE training and home study for adoption. Lots of seminars and classes, approved but still waiting.

I have a friend that use to be a “best” friend. Her and I got married 3 months apart and planned together and were each others maids of honours. Her marriage unfortunately did not last and ended in divorce. We started drifted slowly as she was into going out a lot, and I was working on getting pregnant. But we both tried to stay connected as best we can. This was 6.5 years ago. Well she met a guy and moved 4hours away and they eventually got married. I was not in the wedding party this time but still went to showers and bachelorette and wedding. Her and I talked about my struggles in conceiving and her struggles with first marriage ending. We were not as close as before but still close enough. About a month ago, she announced that she was expecting to a small group of girls(where I was included), and today made it public and announced she was having a girl.

I went to visit her last May and since then, her and I have barely talked. Not sure what happened or why. I’ve asked, and she admits that something happened but that she wants to chat in person about it. Told me she would reach out when she comes into town next. Well, I find out from her sis in-law that they were home all month of Feb(he had a job here for then), and that they plan to move back this June, so they have returned a lot lately cause they are searching for a place to live. Not once did she reach out to me. She knows everything we have been through, and always said in the past that she would be delicate with me when the time came that she was pregnant. And that is not what’s happening 😢

I’m sitting here jealous, sad for us and not holding it together. I could go on and on but I won’t. Just really needed to vent.

Sorry for the long post but thanks for reading till the end.

My emotions are all over the place. How can I hold it together for all these other friends and family and for so long? But now I feel I’m crumbling. I’m feeling guilty for feeling selfish.