Advice??? Please Help me... *crying in my closet

Question

My husbands dad moved in 7 months ago and he spends every second with him... I cook, clean and work a full time job paying half of the bills. All I asked was that my husband spends Sundays just him and I so we can have some alone time. He dad doesn’t work, clean up after himself or do anything whatsoever. My brother was murdered last year a month after I lost my baby.... his murder trial is coming up and I’m a mess. My mother, baby brother and daughter are dead and my husband says he wants me to move out Because how dare I be so disrespectful as to ask for his dad to watch tv down stairs on Sunday so we can spend time together. His dad interrupts me and when they are together my husband doesn’t even talk to me. I’m really struggling with depression and I honestly don’t know if I’m being horrible. I’m asking for 4 days a month alone with my husband. I pay more than half the bills. And take care of his dad and him! He said if this is how I feel he doesn’t love me anymore. I’m literally crying my closet because I’m having an anxiety attack. I’m so lost. I love my husband I just don’t understand what to do. I’m so depressed and heartbroken... Please give advice! Please I understand I sound weak and stupid but my marriage was all I had left...

Answer

I’m so sorry for your loss, your so strong and I think he’s being unreasonable and it’s not fair that you have to go through this without his help and also not fair if his dad is living with you guys and not paying for his upkeep, you need to have a real talk with your husband, it’s make or break, if your not being treated with respect and love then I’m sorry but you might need to leave him.. you deserve better than this, sending my love at this time

Answer

Your husband is definitely in the wrong here. It doesn’t sound like he is very supportive of your wants or needs. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with so much loss. Do you have people to talk to? Or a therapist to work through it all? I can’t imagine having gone through all that without having a therapist or an incredible support system to help sort it out.

Answer

He’s just mad because you are trying to create healthy boundaries. You should be able to ask for what you need in your relationship. The fact that he doesn’t want to spend quality time with you, doesn’t mean you don’t love him. It means he’s not willing to put the effort into your relationship that he should be putting in. I would talk to him one last time and let him know that you are very unhappy because you need more quality time with him and ask him if he is willing to put in the effort that you are asking for. It’s not about respect for his dad, it’s about both of you putting in the effort it takes to have a relationship.

Answer

You still have yourself. It sucks being alone I’ve been there. My son isn’t dead but was taken permanently from me by the state under false accusations and my family members that have him tell him I’m dead. I lived in my truck for 2 years and just barely got back up on my feet. Just went through chemo radiation and a double mastectomy. You don’t need them. You can be strong without them and honestly let em figure out how they are going to pay bills with you gone. But don’t go back. Just keep taking steps forward even if they are hard steps. It’s better that you aren’t surrounded by people who can’t support you when you are going through a tough time. It’s honestly going to make it worse if you stick around with people like that. Hoping for the best for you.

Answer

First off, I’m so sorry that has all happened. It’s kind of like a snow globe, right? When everything started to feel better and settle, something else happened and shook your snow globe again. I haven’t experienced your exact scenario, but I’ve had a similar chain of events and I understand how defeating it feels. It’s overwhelming and sometimes unbearable but I promise, it does get better. It’s cliche, but you’ve got to believe it. It won’t be like that forever. You are certainly not asking too much to be alone with your husband one day a week. Quite frankly, I’d expect way more than one day! It’s insane to me that your husband isn’t acknowledging that. Being ignored in your own home by your own husband is unacceptable, I can’t come up with one scenario in my head where that would be normal. It may sound lame, but have you considered couples counseling? It’s intimidating initially, but I think that hearing both of your feelings out in the open may help. Especially in a controlled environment, where somebody who is not in the relationship can speak their mind. It gives a fresh perspective on things going on and I think that’s totally necessary in some cases. I really encourage you to look into it! Aside from all of that, I really want you to know that your marriage is not all you have left. Yes, that may be all that is left from your comfortable, old routine life. But its certainly not all you have. You have yourself, and that’s positively the most important. Do things for yourself. What did you do when you were happy, remember back...did you go for walks? Did you go shopping or to lunch with friends? Did you run, read books, write maybe? Try and dive back into those things. It will help. Reconnect with old friends, try and get back to your life before all of this crazy stuff happened. Your happiness is essential, don’t let your husband silence that. Its overwhelming, I know. And I’m totally sympathetic to your situation. Do what’s best for yourself right now, just take it 24 hours at a time. You can do it, you matter and you’re loved. It will all pass, just give it some time. Feel free to reach out if you want someone to talk to or just to vent, I’d love to help. I wish you the best. Happy days are ahead❤️

Answer

I’m so sorry that all of this has happened to you. Is their any friends you could stay with till you was able to get in a better situation that you are happier with?

Answer

You deserve someone who wants to spend alone time with you. It’s so hard living with a partners family, especially when they won’t make you a priority.

Advice??? Please Help me... *crying in my closet

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