How do I move past this?

Question

My husband & I got in a H U G E fight today. Like, to the point where he told me that we shouldn’t be married anymore & to just pack my stuff. The fight was over nothing. It literally just started because I was telling him about this back pain I’ve been having for well over a month now.
So, I got our 14-month-old daughter out of the car (we started fighting on the way home from the store), went inside & started packing some stuff for my daughter & I. Called my sister to come get my daughter & I (car is in his name, I couldn’t take it). Called my boss, told him I was having a family issue & wouldn’t be able to work my shift tonight. I’ve been working there for 5 months & that was the very first time I ever called out. 
My husband walks in, sees me packing & loses his shit even harder. Slamming every door he walked past, throwing everything he could get his hands on around the house. I’m scared shitless at this point & all I could do was just cry... he just kept screaming “bye!” at me. Then asks, “why the fuck are you crying?”.
I get ready to walk out the door with our daughter & all of the sudden it’s “Please don’t go. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it. Don’t leave.”
So I didn’t... now I’m wondering if I should have...
He’s been trying to make up for it all day. He’s apologized I don’t know how many times. He took me to Lowe’s to get some flowers to plant in our garden. Asked if we could get a sitter & go for a date night sometime this week...
I know he’s sorry. I just don’t know how to move past this. He really hurt me emotionally today just by the sheer fact that he told me to get out & said it so easily. Not to mention some other nasty things he said. But... he’s yelled at me before but not like he did today. Today was the first time I ever felt scared by him. 
how do you get over a big fight like this? I’m not trying to drag it out or start a new one I just honestly don’t know how to handle this.
Edit: the argument started when I was complaining about this back pain I’ve been having. He said something snarky & I told him it was rude. It just kinda took off from there & got blown WAY out of proportion. This isn’t the first time we’ve fought, obviously. But this is only the second time it’s gotten ‘violent’. Our bedroom door has a hole in it from an argument we had about 7 months ago. He got mad & punched a hole in it. I’m scared to leave. I don’t want our daughter exposed to this behavior, but I rely on him finically even though I work. He makes a LOT more money than I do. If we’re not together I wouldn’t be able to afford the house we have or anything.

Answer

Once the storm is fully passed Have a conversation with him with just you 2. Your kid should not be present. Explain to him how you feel and maybe look into long term corrections like counseling. 
If he’s never done this before maybe something is bothering him and he took it out on you. Nonetheless, have a conversation and clear the air. I would have left tonight just to give him time to cool off.

Answer

From my personal experience I want to say, you’ve seen the beginning of so much worse to come. But not every situation or person is the same. If you want to give it a chance then y’all need to go to counseling and he needs to understand that is never to happen in front of the children again. But if you are truly that scared and think he will only get worse, look at the signs, the signs are always there, and pack up and run. My ex started with little stuff and always apologized, but it got worse, I’m very lucky to have survived and gotten away.

Answer

Couples fight and it's normal to get angry. It is NOT normal to threaten divorce (or breakup) and it is certainly not normal to throw things and slam doors. I strongly suggest couples counseling if you don't want to leave. One thing that has always been, and will always be, a dealbreaker for me is violence. Even if he didn't put his hands on you, what he did was violent.

Answer

If you choose to stay with this guy when he’s shown that much anger that’s entirely upto you, but personally, if that was me in that situation and I had a baby daughter, I’d be leaving with my daughter and not coming back. I wouldn’t want that around my child 🤷🏼‍♀️

Answer

Woah his behavior is very scary and it's not normal to punch holes in doors, swear at you, etc. And then to turn around and be so apologetic and trying to "make it up to you". Please consider the safety of you and your child. Sounds like he may need to get professional help for his anger. Sending up a prayer for you hun🙏🏽

Answer

You need to express to him how much this has hurt you and how it has you feeling. Dont be accusatory just let him know how you are and if he flips out again then leave. He should have understanding here not violent rage. You cant hold this in and he needs to be there to talk it through with you.

Answer

If he won't go to therapy with you for at least 6 months, you should leave.

Answer

It sounds like he has serious anger issues that could develop into abusive tendencies. It is normal to fight and not agree on things but it is not normal or ok for him to escalate it to the point of putting holes in door, throwing things and telling you to leave and threaten divorce. That was really uncalled for, especially since how the whole thing started. You need to talk to him about everything and how you are feeling and how it made u feel.  You do the talking while he just listens, then after you’re done then he can say his peace. If it happens again that may be some insight of how he handles disagreements and that is a huge red flag. You don’t have to feel trapped because he makes more than you. I’m sure your family and friends would be more than happy to get you back on your feet if it ever got that far. Just know that there are people that love and care about you and wouldn’t want you going through a potentially abusive relationship, whether it’s verbal, physical or both. Just talk things over with him and see how that goes, but the choice is ultimately yours if you want to stay and give him another chance or leave. But you need to do what is ultimately best for you and your child. No child deserves to be in that type of environment. Best of luck to you and I’ll keep you in my prayers.

Answer

Fucking right you should have left.
I think I'd move past this by leaving. That's a pretty big red flag to me.. he is controlling, abusive, manipulative, and violent. All 4 of those are deal breakers to me because all 4 of those are toxicAF. You cannot build a healthy relationship with a toxic partner. You can only build a toxic one. Sorry or not, I would leave. Him being sorry won't stop this from happening the next time he gets mad again. Mark my words.

Answer

I’m confused about what the argument was over. But it sounds like you guys need to have an open conversation. It’s up to you weather you want to work on your relationship or not.

How do I move past this?

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