“The Mom”

I just need to vent.

I feel like I’m not a person right now.

My daughter is 8 weeks old, and I’m struggling from PPD. My boyfriend works his ass off all week, and gets up very early for work, so I rarely see him. When I do, he tries to help, but he’s tired.

I feel like I’m being pulled in two directions. On one hand, I want the help. I want my mother in law over so I can take a nap, but then I feel like an awful person for it. Like I’m somehow neglecting her. I guess it makes more sense in my head.

As I stated earlier my boyfriend wakes up early for work, so right now I’m laying in bed, praying my daughter doesn’t wake herself back up (we’ve been at this for over an hour now), and he’s fast asleep. My boyfriend asleep, my dogs asleep, my daughter is hopefully staying asleep, and here I am.

I HATE myself for not loving every moment. I hate that I feel so bad for myself. I hate even more that I’m lost. I’m so lost at what to do. My doctors office gave me some info on group therapy. Let’s be real, who the hell has time for that?!

Thanks for listening. Late night thoughts are a beast.