Movie about abortion?! / I don’t want my mother at my wedding

My mother has been pushing seeing a movie with me. She’s recently retired and moved back to this side of the world to be a mother to her 4 grown ass children who missed her being a mother for our lives. I’ve been working with my therapist and setting healthy boundaries and seeing her pretty regularly. Once a week or so.

Finally she gives me the name after much resistance and I watch the trailer. 😡

I told my mother maybe a year ago that 10 years ago I had an abortion. That I was young and didn’t want to but the man I thought I head over heels about insisted all sorts of horrible lies at at 19 years old I believed him. I had an abortion and was so ashamed and upset because I didn’t want to. She kept harassing me about that “great catch” I used to date and wanted her to just stop asking. Plus I felt that I had gone through enough healing that I could share. For about 8 years I just was mad at myself for the choice I made. I finally had gotten some peace and shared with her. Just to be clear I realized I ultimately had the power and made the choice. I realized after many years that I wasn’t equipped at that time to make the choices in my life for me and it’s taken a lot to bring peace around that.

So the movie is about abortion. And my rant is not about abortion or the movie itself- it’s about my insensitive mother. In her world the Holy Spirit wants her to take me to this movie for healing. I tried to politely at first explain to her that the healing happened when I was able to share with her. That it would be traumatic to watch something I was not awake for. That I’d like to leave my past in the past and that watching an abortion on a screen in a public theater would not provide me any healing. (There was lots of deep breathing happening while calmly sharing this)

She continued. She’s so hurt that I would see a therapist instead of my own mother to share about my hurts. That she has tried to show us now how sorry she is for abandoning us as children and so on.

I explained that if my bone was sticking out of my leg I would see a surgeon - not my mother. That my professional therapist was not a replacement to my mother but an expert that I can speak to about my abandonment issues, attachment issues and my hurts. I told her it would be nice if she supported and was proud of me for seeking how to have healthy whole relationships and end the cycle of unhealthy behaviors in our family. That it would be nice if she stopped apologizing for our childhood and was present here in the now. That maybe she too could benefit from some therapy.

It is so difficult to have a mother with a mental illness. I actually am spiritual myself and believe in God. However i just cringe to see her use that as a judgment tool. Did God tell her to have me watch an abortion would bring healing to my 10 year old decision? Lord help me.

I’m engaged and avoiding planning a wedding because I don’t want any of my family attending and I don’t want to even open that can of worms. Anyone out there with a crazy mom? Anyone not invite their mom to their wedding?