I was only 19 when I found out I was pregnant.... I was so scared. I felt like it wasn’t my time. Like I wasn’t ready. Like I may have just made the biggest mistake of my life. Fear sunk into me so viciously that I couldn’t sleep for days, and I could barley eat. But my boyfriend (he was 22 at the time) comforted me every chance that presented itself. He let me know that, although not planned, we could raise our child together and try our hardest to give him/her everything we never had. (We both came from pretty broken homes). As time passed, I began to fall in love with this life growing inside of me. It was like as my child was growing, my fear was melting away. I had to be strong and be brave. It was as if my little baby was the only thing giving me a reason to live anymore. Same for my child’s father. It seemed like we were only going up. Then I started bleeding... a lot. Non stop. I had sharp pains in my stomach, like someone was stabbing me. I went to the ER and found out I was miscarrying. The doctor told me that it was happening too fast and I was too far into my miscarriage, so they didn’t want to preform a D and C. They told me I’d have to finish passing it naturally.

There was absolutely nothing natural about this to me. In one day I went from having a womb full of life to being an empty vessel... I felt like my baby took all of me with him...

And that’s were I was when I wrote this... I was so destroyed and depressed. I wrote this while going through the worst experience of my life. And I never wanted to show anybody because I didn’t want to feel vulnerable...

But here I am, going on two years later, looking back on this with great sorrow, but also so grateful. I’m so grateful I got to carry my child, even if only for a moment, and I’ve realized how much writing has helped me. I see a lot of women going through this on a daily basis and I feel like I’m finally ready to show my little passage to people it might help a little. May someone take my words and get inspired to create their own. It helps to much to sort through your emotions on paper.

Sending blessings your way beauties ♥️