What do I do?

I have a gorgeous 5 month old baby born Oct 23rd 2018. After almost 4 years together we tried for this little man for 6 months. The pregnancy was challenging, intense morning sickness, relationship became super rocky, I was labeled high risk pregnancy towards the end. I had to relocate to a woman’s hospital and have a support team for his birth. He was induced at 37 weeks and after 12 hours of labour I had an emergency c-section because he was too small - IUGR (intra-uterine growth restricted) and he couldn’t handle the contractions. The father who I was so excited to start a family with turned out to be having an affair the majority of my pregnancy. I found out about the affair at about

week 33 of pregnancy. He missed the birth because he dropped his phone, broke it, and just had to go get his backup from home (which was 3 hours away - 6 hour round trip). He left me while I was in labour to travel to get his new phone. I forgave him in my drive to have the family I dreamed of.

The baby was born with kidney disease which is monitored closely by a team of Dr’s at the closest children’s hospital (which is 3 hours away). In his 5 months of life he has been hospitalized 3 times due to kidney related issues. He is the sweetest thing though and he is perfect and I love him to bits!

Most recently it has come to light (past 3 weeks) that the affair my partner had is active again. With the same woman. I had thought we were doing so well also so I was heartbroken - again. I left him and I have been staying at my parents with our baby. Im 36 years old next month and feel like a complete failure staying with my Mom

and Dad. My partner doesn’t even care to see our son, he has straight told me in anger that he doesn’t want anything to do with us. But then he apologizes and says he doesn’t mean what he says, yet Iv been gone for almost 3 weeks and he has not attempted to initiate to see the baby. He has tried to see me, but has requested that I leave the baby at home(!!!!!). So in addition I’m feeling overwhelmingly betrayed and so disappointed.

Now the kicker. Today I found out I am pregnant - I’m 5 weeks 4 days. I was going to get my IUD put in this month! I tried so hard for baby #1 that I was floored to see the positive result. We were not trying. I don’t know what to do. I can’t imagine caring for an infant while dealing with the level of morning sickness I had last time, while being single. I don’t think my dream of a family with this man is going to come to fruition, he’s become a monster and nothing like the man I thought I knew and fell in love with. Abortion is looking very nice to me at this point. I had one when i was in my 20’s already, but now that I have had a baby and have seen what becomes of this little seed I feel it will be difficult. I am at a loss what to do....