Idk what to do...

My husband and I have been on and off ever since being together...we got married too fast I believe. And I had just lost my mother when we got together so I believe I wasnt really myself..still not after 5 years. Anyways last time we split he had gotten his hook up pregnant and now he has a year old daughter. She isn't in our lives due to her mom being petty and we live 9000 miles away but we're supposed to be moving back here soon and all I think about is him realizing what he's missing out on with having a family and he will leave me... Honestly a little part of me wants him too...