I always spoil you and Lucy. I buy you toys and I know you can’t play with them but in my mind I still think your here. I see something and say “my son would like that” but wait he’s not even here yet I buy things anyways because I do have a place to put it and that’s his grave. Sharkie gave my Babcia his skunk from Val. People say “Kane?” From seeing my necklace I say yes my son. They get so into it “how old?!”, “how big!?”... well he’s gone. And tears come to their eyes and they never knew him and they don’t know anything about me. Just alone saying my newborn died at birth gives people goosebumps, tears to their eyes and speechless. They open their mouth and I stop and say “it’s ok”. I hope you made it home. I hope everything is so pretty there, so white, so fresh and new. I wish I can close my eyes and see where you lay to rest. I’m trying not to be sad or sob or scream. I’m really trying to understand. Hope god is taking care of you. I hope your shelter is in his hands. Hope there’s no sadness baby, and no sorrow, and no pain. Hopefully there’s no crying and you never hurting again. You better be peaceful when all the angels sing. I know you had to go and try your wings Kane. And I know you’ll be the first face I’ll see sharkie.

My sweet boy. Charming boy. My boy.