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I used to use pencil sharpener blades. They were always available and cut so thin that it didn't really leave scars. Just because you aren't as scarred as some people doesn't mean your self harming was less valid, or your emotional pain less severe. I never wanted scars. I didn't cut to die. I cut to cut. I'm glad my skin isn't a road map of my traumas. Don't try to make it worse. And fuck all who think your scars aren't that bad. Your intentions were at the time. It's incredibly brave of you to open up like that. That's a step I never took. Not for years. Because I was terrified I'd put in the same category of "not that bad." They weren't that bad because I didn't want to die. I just wanted pain that was easier to handle.
Problems with recovery
So, I’ve been self harming for about 2 years and have been clean since Christmas. Almost relapsed a week ago but I held my shit together.
One thing I honestly cannot stand is when I show the very few people that I trust (mom, best friend, therapist) my scars, and they say “oh, they aren’t that bad”
Not even joking, this was all 3 of their responses. Like are you kidding me? First, the ones I showed are like a year old and are fading, finally. Second, who the hell are they to tell me that my self harm isn’t bad enough?! You know what the first thought was? It was “how can I make it worse?”
It’s so terrible that to make people understand how bad a mental illness is, you have to have deep, long slashes across every inch of your body.
I’m really angry about this.
Sorry but I had to get it out.
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