Hello! First, a little background. I suffer from severe anxiety & depression, self-harm, suicidal ideations, and eating issues. I am also a suicide attempt survivor. On 3/10/19, the police showed up at my door to do a wellness check. I had been reported. They said I would either be taken to the hospital by ambulance or my parents could drive, & I opted to go with my parents. I got extremely lucky & the social worker would not be in until morning, so my mom got me discharged. I had exams the next day and already extremely anxious for being at the hospital and worried about going back to the psych hospital (i had been there previously for attempt). My mom knew it wouldnt do be any good in the ER and we left. After this incident, I got my medications changed and agreed to go back to a partial hospitalization program in my area that I had unfortunately been to twice before. The stay there is 8-12 days but unfortunately mine was only 6 because insurance people are assholes. I was very upset about this as I felt it was too soon but made the most of my treatment there. I was very active in group & was actually honest about how I felt. I decided that would be my last time in the hospital for my illness. The adjustment back to school was hard but I managed & I’ve actually been doing very well. Until this week. For some reason, I feel out of control again. My depression is raging and it’s like i’m too tired to use my coping skills. Like I don’t care if I get better or not which I do. I thought if I kept smiling through it everything would be fine but its all just getting worse. I relapsed self harm this week after being 6 weeks clean. Right now I am 2 days clean. I’ve cried every night for the past 3 days. & The other day I took too many pills. It was not enough to do any damage but definitely not the prescribed dose. It also doesnt help that a kid in my community died by suicide 2 days ago. I feel like I’ve lost all hope. Like maybe I’m not meant for recovery. So my question, how do you deal with this? Dealing with a hard relapse? How did you get back on track and not back track on the progress you made? Please help. I want to recover, but I feel so scared and hopeless.