I’m so upset

My blood sugar has been out of control. They’re switching me from metformin to insulin. I’ve been doing everything I need to and still I’m going to be stuck on insulin. My doctor told me to get birth control and if I get pregnant now I’ll miscarry. He also said I now need permission from a doctor to try for a baby at all. I’m so upset. I don’t want to try anymore. I don’t want to eat, I don’t want to do really anything. I’m done I think, really wanting anything. I’m in the tww right now because my blood sugar WAS doing just fine, so we thought it was safe. I guess I’m just waiting to see if I’m pregnant and then waiting to lose that baby. I hate myself so much right now.