Some background information:

My ex of many years raped me once, and attempted to a different time—before I was able to leave the relationship.

When I started dating my husband, I told him about my past trauma and some of the ways it effected me. It’s been four years, we’re now married, and I’ve developed some healthy boundaries around sex that he has respected. He’s super kind, loving, charismatic, funny, a bit awkward (and so am I), and everyone who meets him adores him.

2 weeks ago, my husband was very horny but I was sleep deprived and not energetic enough for penetration. I asked if we could use toys/masterbate together instead. He was turned on so we proceeded. Halfway through our session, he asked if he could cum on my vagina while I used my vibrator. I said yes. When I climaxed he shoved his penis in my vagina and ejaculated.

My entire body was tense and I froze. I felt so violated and asked if he came in me. He said “yes” and profusely apologized. He told me how awful he felt and how he loves the way I feel when I cum. He also said he never imagined he would do something like that and how he would be up all night stressing and worrying. I told him I couldn’t talk about it. I silently cried in the bathroom after cleaning myself off and went to sleep.

My body is so stiff around him now. My heart beats fast, my head throbs and my teeth are clenched, I can’t sleep. I’m having panic attacks. I know he’s sorry but I no longer trust him. I feel like I’m overreacting and letting my past trauma affect me.

Does this count as rape? This situation is very different than when I was violently raped by my ex, so I feel very confused.