I don’t feel a connection

I feel really guilty saying this but after the entire time I was pregnant I never got too close with my baby I was afraid she would die. After escaping death miraculously from placenta abruption three weeks ago I still don’t feel like I’m attached to my baby. She almost died, when she was born I didn’t see her until she was 5 hours old, I couldn’t hold her until she was 4 days old. I took her home at 13 days old. I thought the bond would hit instantly when she was born but everyone was telling me to prepare for the worst when she came that I never attached myself. When I saw my baby hooked up to all her life support equipment I completely shut off. It took me a few days before I even touched her in her bed. I feel really guilty an ashamed with myself. I don’t know if I have the onset of postpartum depression or what, no one knew about my pregnancy except her father (my boyfriend) I hid in the house for pretty much 4 months before she was born. I also had to transfer to online classes so I could be closer to my doctor, after our baby was born her dad had to quickly rerun back to college leaving me alone I have no friends in my hometown not that it matters but I feel really alone and bad that I haven’t bonded to my daughter. I think she is really cute and all but I just I don’t know I don’t know how I feel about being a mom. My pregnancy wasn’t planned and I knew the responsibility I was taking on I just thought after you have the baby you bond instantly and I just don’t feel that way. I think I’m a bad mom.