i want to erase myself

i’m so mad that i cant muster up the guts to end it all.

i serve no purpose and have hated myself deeply since i was 10 years old. i’m 20 now and don’t feel any different. it’s exhausting.

everything in life is so trivial.

friends. family. working. travel.

i find it all stupid. i find joy in little anymore. haven’t even been able to finish an art piece for 3 whole years. i’m a waste of space. i live at home and have no job now bc i quit my last one in a panic and honestly i know i will hate every job bc i’m not built for this world or functioning. this is not how i want to live.

i don’t want to live. is that so much to ask. to get hit by a massive truck and bleed out. alone. cold. because it’s what i deserve.

i will never be anything more than a sexual object to anyone , so love will never exist for me. i don’t think i’ll ever find fulfillment.

i hate my entire existence. every ounce of my life and being. i don’t know how to escape. i just want to feel nothing.

i cant even deal with my own company i’m miserable when i’m alone. i just hate putting in effort to even breath anymore. i disgust myself and truly have no right opening my eyes every morning.