Feeling like a f****ing shit ball!!! Sorry for the rant....


I hate myself right now. I don’t know what wrong with me but I am going crazy. My mind is buzzing and I feel like I will go mad.

I had severe PPA. So much so that I was convinced that my daughter had some medical/genetic defect/CP/ something. I was paranoid and googled incessantly. I dragged my daughter and husband to a doctor every few days. And somehow even their reassurance wouldn’t put my doubts to rest. But as she grew up I became better or so I thought.

I always had this worry about something going wrong with my daughter or my husband. All these posts about people and kids getting cancer and all that on social media was clouding my worries. It grew slowly. Then around November I will down and had to have a surgery on my wrist to fix broken bones. And since then I am fixated on the fact that I have/will get cancer. I mean fixated. Headache and nausea-brain cancer, loose motions-colon cancer, canker sore- oral cancer. I keep going to doctors for stupidest things. And now I feel like I have full fledged anxiety

-I keep worrying all day long

-I keep crying about things that have no background

-everytime I stress I get loose motions and loose motions make me more stressed about cancer and I get more loose motions

-all that anxiety I have a perpetual headache and nausea

-I can’t sleep with my head feeling

-I wake up feeling tired and exhausted

-I can’t concentrate on anything

-I keep googling symptoms like an crazy ass person

-now due to lack of sleep I have developed stiff neck also

-I have been trying to loose weight and when I did I panicked thinking is cancer

I am driving myself crazy. I don’t know what to do. The last Psyciatrist I saw wanted to put me on meds. I feel like my head is bursting. I know none of u moms are doctors but I just wanted to let it out. I feel like I can’t go on like this.